Karma

We met in 2007, little did I know I would fall so hard for someone less than a year later. We shouldn't have crossed the line but he was so convincing...it should be a sin to let 1 person have that much control over you! And that is exactly what I said about his then girlfriend and my friend...how stupid she was to be in love with someone so far away, and how ignorant she looked dedicating herself to someone who really didn't care about her. I talked all that foolishness until I experienced him. He stole my heart, not at first though...you see I would never cross a line like that, betray a friends trust? It was so deceitful, and dishonest...but until you've actually been with him you will NEVER understand! I was no longer thinking in control...I had lost TOTAL control, I loved him so much I played 2nd for two WHOLE years faithfully...I didn't date at all. Things had gotten so bad, I'd cry every time he had to leave to be with her, but not because of her...because I wanted him to stay, I'd start arguments on purpose so he'd have a reason to want to work it later, I gave him access to everything about me...credit cards included, all my inner workings he knew of. Sick right? So FINALLY after 2 1/2 years of playing gf #2 he was all mine, and of course it doesn't hit me that he'll soon do the same thing to you as he did for you. I was so ready to hand this man my soul...take it I don't care all I want is you...sad right? It gets better...after everything came out in the open about him and I was relieved we didn't have to hide anymore, the friend and I no longer talked but I really didn't give af at this point...I just wanted to be happy with my man right? Wrong! Not too long after our relationship started it was ending...his behavior was changing and I know that this change was same change my friend had been seeing...I put it out of my mind for awhile until I noticed that him and one of my childhood friends were getting really comfy on Twitter. I would question him and of course I got the 'its nothing, were just cool' and the 'I can talk to who I want to talk to'. My woman's intuition is sounding off at this point, and I could feel his wrong doings. He's calling me crazy, telling me I'm tripping and then BOOM just like that him and my childhood friend are dating...two weeks later he was in love...a month later they're looking at wedding dates. I can HONESTLY say I was mind blown!! I went to church with this girl, I play with her kids...her mom and my mom are super close. My heart still aches thinking about it...now its 2011 and they've been together for almost a year and it kills me. I play my position so well, he actually calls me to discuss they're problems and like a little dumb fxck I listen. It has taken me a while to be able to even speak about the situation but I feel like I should be an advocate for karma. It is so real, and it comes back so hard!! So to bring the situation full circle...I have sinced apologized to the friend that I hurt. I will not say I'm completely over him and the situation because there is so much resentment inside me for him...and her. I would say I wish them luck but I'd be lying...but I don't wish bad for them either I wish for HONESTY and justice as corny as that sounds. I want someone to feel my pain...and he will never understand until this one breaks his heart...with all of that said God is still working on this fragile heart of mine, and I can attest that I WILL NEVER make this mistake again. It's not worth it...it never was it just took me 3 years to see it...
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Comments

  1. Follow The LeaderFebruary 21, 2011 at 8:16 PM

    Karma has done her toll on me too Ash. We're lovers. And some times as lovers you want the love at whatever cost it may come. Screw whomever it may hurt as long as you get the love, right? So wrong lol. It's hit me hard. But you know what? We're stronger women not because of the mistakes we've made... But because we're not afraid and too prideful to admit the wrong we've done and learn from it. It's crazy how much me and you have in common lol. You're amazing. I admire your honesty. You're willingness to be vulnerable. It inspires me more than you can imagine. Love you.

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