Relationships 🙄😍

I haven't written in about 4 years and so much in my life has changed. I found a great job, then got fired. Met the love of my life and relocated to Las Vegas, really exciting stuff! Before I met my significant other I used to pray often that God blessed me with someone. I would pray that he would love me unconditionally and be totally team Ashleigh. Well God has a way of showing you who he is, because I got that and more. Being in this relationship made me realize I've never truly been in one. Relationships are hard work, and you have to work on them daily. I used to be one to think that how I heard Gods voice about my prayers was, if the planning was easy and everything flowed smoothly, then I was going down the right path. A little while after I lost my job, my significant other suggested I move to where he currently resided. Me personally, I never thought I would live outside Atlanta but I wasn't thriving there. It seemed like I couldn't get my footing and I would just end up right back at my mama's house, trying to get my life. So after thinking and praying about it, I made a decision that I thought would be the best thing for me. I had lived my life entirely under my mother's thumb (as you know from previous posts). I didn't want to get another job, try and stack some money to get out my mama's house, only to end up right back there. What's the definition of insanity again? 🤔
After doing all this praying, I decided to move. I had never really lived with a man before, let alone a man who was my lover. However, we had long conversations about what our life would be like and it's not like I had shyt going on here, so why not? I never thought for a second that being in a relationship would be easy but I also never knew it took this much work. That thing I was saying about God earlier, and him showing you who he is...my best friend told me once, sometimes God will give you the exact thing you've been snotting and crying for just to show you how much you don't really want it. Both my sisters were married, my best friend has been in her relationship for almost 10 years, and I see all this black love...why wouldn't I want that for myself? Someone to cherish me, be compassionate and understanding to my feelings and needs. Someone to make me laugh, and comfort me when I cry. I was blessed with all those things in the form of a 6'7, chocolate Adonis (he is to me, shut up). Let me tell you something tho, everything isn't peaches and cream. Like Tamar said, nobody said it was gone be cloudy skies, only Marvin Gaye and lingerie. Somebody definitely lied honey, because being in a relationship, especially when you and your significant other co-habitat is HARD MF WORK! You are an individual and your partner is an individual, trying to maintain your individuality as well as build and grow with your partner without stepping on each other's toes is a task. Yes there are incredibly awesome times, romantic nights, hilarious times where you look at each other and burst out laughing, wining and dining, incredible sex...all of those things. There are also terrible arguments when you say things you don't mean, and sometimes you do mean them. There are times when you argue about where forks go and who gets the bigger side of the closet (Me of course).  I am really  learning to not be so overbearing and I hope my partner is learning that when I need my space I NEED IT! I also learned during the course of this relationship that I have communication issues, I believe it comes from years of not being able to express my feelings living at home. I wasn't able to say how I felt, so now I don't know how. My partner who has also never been in a relationship this serious before has issues, so here we are two inexperienced individuals...what now? We're talking about getting married but sometimes we have the hardest time talking or even looking at each other after an argument. We both take what we think we know and fuse it together with what we know and we still come up short. I want to advise those who are thirsty to be in a relationship, to rethink it. It stops being about you, and starts being about y'all. It's not me, it's us. When you've done you for so long, it's hard conforming to the rules of a relationship. It's more then cooking with bae, smoking with bae, chilling with bae, sexing bae. It's  all good until you've worked a 12-15 hr shift and bae didn't take the trash out and you come home and the house not what it's supposed to be and it smells terrible and bae sitting on the couch. No dinner, no nothing? Y'all be bffs until you told bae 3 weeks ago to pay a bill and he/she didn't, now your shyt cut off. I'm just giving you guys real life examples of how it's not always Marvin Gaye and Lingerie. What I will say is, the 1st step to being on the same page is communication, and you definitely have to pray for your partner. Not just sometimes but all the time, several times...every day. You have to pray that God leads him/her. In my case my him, I pray God leads him, so that he can lead me. Patience. You have to practice patience and you cannot expect your partner to know everything you know (preaching to myself right here). I also think we take things waaay to seriously, everything doesn't always have to be an emotional rollercoaster, an in depth conversation about how we feel. 🙄🙄🙄 Did I mention you have to pray? I pray for his peace, and I hope he prays for mine because, happy wife happy life. Right? I'm not willing to sacrifice my individually for anyone, and I would never ask my him to do it either. I hope that in finding ourselves, we find each other and make it all the way. To infinity and beyond.