Ashleigh...For Real

I have always been a big girl, for as long as I can remember. I've always been the bigger of my friends, in school if I was described I was known as "big Ashleigh". I've been called it all from; fat, big girl, big bxtch, juicy...the list goes on. Although I'm aware of my size, never has it been a defining factor in a relationship. Any guy I have been in a relationship with or was even sexual with understood and was well aware of my size, at the same time I was also what he was seeking. The turn of events and the reason for this post, is I'm in absolute shock right now. I had recently reconnected with a past love from 08, getting to know each other again and sharing our dreams for the future just seemed to bond us again. We stopped speaking because he had gotten involved with some things I didn't agree with, and to save my own skin...I split. He understood and we moved on with our lives, or so I'd thought. Random interaction with mutual friends who we d...

I'm 23, will be 24 in 3 months and until recently I thought I had experienced true love. Speaking with a friend, and listening to her speak on her relationship just opened my mind up to somethings. After the conversation I realized how much I long to be in love and be happy, and I'm not talking about a 'boo thang' 'bae' and all that other foolishness. I mean unconditional, genuine love, and respect. I long to be partners, lovers and friends, with my mate. I want someone to tell me when I'm right and correct me when I'm wrong. I want someone to love me flaws and all, someone to laugh with just because. My friend told me "Ash, one thing about you...when you Love, you Love HARD". "You are with that man 110%". I couldn't deny her statement because its so true. I love love, I love the idea of being in love. I love the thought of being someone's wife, belonging to someone and him being excited about it. I want my potential mate, hus...

We met in 2007, little did I know I would fall so hard for someone less than a year later. We shouldn't have crossed the line but he was so convincing...it should be a sin to let 1 person have that much control over you! And that is exactly what I said about his then girlfriend and my friend...how stupid she was to be in love with someone so far away, and how ignorant she looked dedicating herself to someone who really didn't care about her. I talked all that foolishness until I experienced him. He stole my heart, not at first though...you see I would never cross a line like that, betray a friends trust? It was so deceitful, and dishonest...but until you've actually been with him you will NEVER understand! I was no longer thinking in control...I had lost TOTAL control, I loved him so much I played 2nd for two WHOLE years faithfully...I didn't date at all. Things had gotten so bad, I'd cry every time he had to leave to be with her, but not because of her...because I ...